Crying in the City

I woke up this morning and went to breakfast but did not eat.  I sent a 3 page text and cried.  I was so unhappy about my life situation that I cried.  I took the bus to the hospital to start the IOP program again and cried with the Intake Coordinator.  I came back to the shelter for lunch and cried as I ate.  I sat on the computer and listen to Family Affair by Mary J. Blige and cried.  My casemanager was ready to see me and I cried even more in his office.  I saw the Director of the shelter who spoke to me about a earlier text I sent and I cried even more.

I am crying because the woman I once was is no more; I can no longer work in the profession I once did; who and what I did was a part of me.  Who am I now?  I don't know?   Change, the thing I don't like the most is what is happening to me and I must accept it or die.

Blogging Again

I had totally forgotten that I had a Blogger account.  As I was sitting in the computer lab having "blue moment" I started reading articles that mentioned doing things that you enjoyed doing when you were younger and I enjoyed writing so here I am.

I will write about everything and anything to keep myself busy.

Bipolar in the Shelter

I was diagnosed with BiPolar in 2014 and didn't accept my diagnosis until 2016.  By accepting it I mean fully embracing it.  I had to embrace it because it was thrown into my face full speed when I moved into a shelter.

I moved into a shelter on March 25, 2016 and it has been the most life changing experience I have ever experienced.  I pray that this is my last experience ever living in a shelter and that no one ever should have to experience this type of living.

The shelter where I was place is what I call a gentle, softer, shelter  compared to other larger shelters in the city of Chicago.  Being smaller has it's benefits and short coming; they are more attentive to the residents and know everyone by name but because it's smaller; they lack funds for most things.

I have met different types of people in the shelter with different personalities and this is where my bipolar issues come into place.  I was first diagnosed as unspecified so that meant; they couldn't categorize my symptoms all of them is what I had; in a nutshell anything could trigger me.  And everything did trigger me; from sounds to lights, changes of any kind; it was horrible.

I still am in the shelter and I am under medical care taking my medicine and my diagnosis has improved I have a diagnosis now: Hypomania.  I still am effected my changes and I am learning how to cope with it which is still a struggle for me.  I participate in the Art Therapy program we have by crocheting chains, not hats, scraves, or anything else, just chains and I paint which brings me some relief.

For now, I wait patiently until it's my time to move; most of the women I started out with have moved or have been kicked out the shelter but I remain.